When a beautiful woman insults your facial hair, it somehow doesn’t hurt that bad. Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Samantha Hoopes didn’t mince words upon our introduction at the SI Swimsuit 2016 launch party in Manhattan.
“I think you can be a #SchickMagnet by shaving off this little thing you’ve got going on here,” said the Guess model as she tenderly gestured towards the area below her bottom lip while staring directly at my soul patch — with all the charm of a “you’ve got salad in your teeth, you dolt” notification on a first date. Except that she wasn’t referring to a misplaced leafy green but a conscious decision — that I had intentionally groomed for years.
Hoopes has teamed up with the Schick Hydro razor brand to help dudes in need become “#SchickMagnets.” Dudes like myself, who wander through life never knowing how ridiculous they look.
But how would you know if no one told you? It was with that thought in mind, gents, that I pressed forward and asked Hoopes for her top five insights on how to date a swimsuit model — and silently prayed to god I didn’t have a visibly misaligned nose hair. And yes, the soul patch has since been eliminated. But then it was REBORN and children everywhere have resumed referring to it as a “tiny beard.”
Here are her tips:
1. Flattery will get you everywhere.
“I think the number one thing a guy can do to get any girl’s attention is to simply compliment her. Literally just having something nice to say. Or, invite her out to dinner. My whole thing is to just be yourself. As long as you are yourself, nothing can fail.”
2. Be confident, not cocky.
“Lots of guys are cocky — so cocky. The stuff that they say to you, sometimes you’re like: ‘What is going on?’ I’ve had people come up to me and put my hair in their mouth and then spit it in my face. Just weird stuff like that from cocky guys.”
“I like confidence, I don’t like cocky. And [I like] funny. Honestly, as long as you are yourself in any type of situation — with girls, work or anything else — I think that is what matters the most.”
3. No Netflix & Chill.
“The worst first date I ever went on was in someone’s basement – and he still lived with his mom. He made dinner for me, which I think is cute. But it was in his mom’s basement. He could’ve taken me out, at least. There was no second date.”
4. Have a clean-shaven face.
“You can’t beat a clean shaven face. I don’t like when my face starts to scratch, so I’m not into beards. Who wants to get their face exfoliated every single time they kiss someone?”
5. Be a MAN!
Be a MAN! That’s the bottom line. Guys have sex appeal to begin with, and you don’t have to put hair and makeup and everything on — you are yourself already. Look in the mirror every day and tell yourself, ‘You’re worth it.’ Because you’re worth anything you set your heart on, and if you really want something, go and get it.”